My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
