Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
