I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
