We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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