I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
