Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
