...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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