it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
