I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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