were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
