brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
