I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
