if i died would you start the facebook group?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
