Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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