I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
