can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
