My friends, they love my intelligence
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
