i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
