I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
