and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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