you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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