No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
