she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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