bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
