dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm really busy with my period
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