I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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