you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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