bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
