is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I love you. Go after that dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
