Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
