go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
