I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
