Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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