Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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