I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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