I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
