that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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