you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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