When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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