is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
