Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
