Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
