dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
