Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
