He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
