the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize