can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
