Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
