thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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