I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
