HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
