There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
