he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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