: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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