I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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