Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
