Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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