That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
