physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
