this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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