I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
