you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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