i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
