Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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