Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
