Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
