he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
