Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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